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PETERS PIECE: New Year, Old Resolutions

  • Written by  Richard Peters

I am almost finished with my New Year resolution list. Heck yeah, I am making a list too and why not? It is the normal thing to do at this time of year isn’t it?

You may ask why I am almost finished and not completely finished since the New Year has already begun. You see you don’t rush something as important as New Year resolutions. Never mind there is very little chance of keeping any of them your still take your time with it. It must at least sound good and look good on paper in case, just in case one or two of the resolutions make it past the first week of the year.

When I was a young child my mother would call all of her children together early on the first morning of the new year; waking you up much earlier than usual. She would then proceed in her most philosophical tone; to lecture us on how important it is to improve significantly from the last year’s failures and under-achievement.

God had allowed us to see another year and we had a duty to make the best of it and so on and son and so on.

Already grumpy from being awakened earlier, we were then ordered to individually describe hoe were would ensure some form of improvement over our pathetic fumbling and uninspired blunders of the previous year.

We thereupon, one and all, spewed out the most alarming and insincere concoction of unrealistic drivel that one ever laid ears on. A fancy and colourful hodgepodge of plans and promises that invariably never survived past the huddle that our mother had called us to.

That notwithstanding, I am going to make my resolutions. I am not going to say that I will stick to them or even try to but I don’t want anyone telling me that I won’t. I am joining illustrious company, come make their resolution and promises for the New Year, some at other times.

Politicians regularly promise all kinds of things and make all sorts of resolutions at election time, immediately proceed to break every single one of them and still go at it again next elections.

Devout Christian resolve to stop commit the same sin over and over and then commit it some more. Church leaders promise to bring more people into the church and instead lose some of the little they have; habitual law-breakers resolve that they would respect the law for the upcoming period and the next time you want to see them you have to visit the prison.

Remember these are resolutions not commitments. Every year fellas resolve to drink less alcohol yet all the alcohol manufacturers have to increase production.  

I am going to share some of my New Year resolutions with you and I promise I’m going to try to keep at least one of them, here goes. As every other overweight person the world over, I resolve to do something about my waistline this year. The vegetarian life for me from here on and chickens, pigs and cattle can see me as an ally in their fight for survival. I will hit the road every morning…well a few mornings.

I have a resolution and referendum. Nobody better ask me to vote in any referendum for the year 2017 regardless to what it might be about. Nobody coming an tell me to vote how I see fit and when I vote against, diplomatically cuss me up and make like I am a fool and didn’t know what is was doing. No more referendum for me for a while, it will take some doing to get over the trauma of the cussing up.

I further resolve that if ever someone asks me for a job recommendation and I refuse to give them, for vindictive reasons or any other less dark justifications, I will not boast about it after and hope that I am put on some pedestal for the reasons claimed.  

I will save more money providing that I make more thereby growing my own personal economy. I will pay off my debt faster thereby bringing my debt portfolio under control; I certainly cannot expect any debt forgiveness; pay my taxes through my teeth and stop complain. I will maintain my safety zone of not telling which resolutions I will keep so you can’t hold any of them against me. Happy New Year all.

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